I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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