and my herpes radar will keep us safe
either way he was missing a nipple.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
