When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
