Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
