Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
