dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
