Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
