You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
