I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
