Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize
