broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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