Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They have beer where we have blood.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
