OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
