He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
