just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
