And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am one with the molecules
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
