He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
