so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
