8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
