Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
