i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
