But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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