I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
