no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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