Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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