I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
