Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
