i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
