we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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