I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
