32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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