ugly people sure do ruin things
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
