Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
