I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
