how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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