I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
