You're so nebulous sometimes
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
