So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
