All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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