Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
