I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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