i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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