and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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