I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
