Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
