yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
