So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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