Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
