my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
