Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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