I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
