He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
