I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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