You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
